Sunday March 1, 2009

Last sunday mom and I went to Our Lady of the Assuption church and spoke to highschool and confirmation students about drugs and how they can affect not only you but your family as well. They wanted Johnathon to speak and he accepted but because of his current situation he couldnt so mom spoke for him. She told his story about his life before durgs, during his drug addiction, and his current situation right now. Johnathon gave her some thing that he wanted her so say so she just translated for him which as great. I was asked to give my perspective as as sister of a drug addict and this is my speech I gave. Im posting this for all of my family on blogger who want to know a little more about Johnathon's addiction. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and Im very glad I did. I just hope that I was able to help someone to not make the choices Johnathon did. Who knows maybe when Johnathon is out and clean we can go and do this together to many schools!

Hello my name is Megan Miller and I am the sister of an addict. As a sister you can’t imagine the pain and suffering I had to go through seeing my little brother using drugs and his life falling down the drain. We had been so close since we had moved to Illinois about 8 years ago. There is only two and a half years between my brother and I and we have always been close until he began using drugs.
Let me tell you a little bit about him before drugs. He was kind and caring. He had such a love for his family, he was fun to be around, he loved to explore and we used to build forts out in the ditches of the corn fields back home in Indiana and pretend we were in some far off land and no one could see us. He loved life. This all changed when we moved to Illinois and had to start over with no family, new friends, new schools, and new everything. He was 14 years old when he started getting into drugs. Yes, he was 14. At first no one knew about his experimenting with drugs but then I started to see a change. One day I caught him smoking pot in the garage with a friend before school. Of course trying to be a sister and a friend I didn’t tell my parents because I thought well it’s just pot and we had a good brother/sister relationship that I didn’t want to ruin. I was very wrong. From here he went downhill. His pot smoking turned into smoking cigarettes, drinking, and using heroin.
His addiction had gotten so bad that he was steeling everything from all the people he loved for his drugs. He got arrested a couple of times for stealing and I couldn’t bear to see him sit in a jail cell so my husband and I paid his bail. He was so very thankful but continued steeling and he became homeless for a while when he turned to me. As his big sister I felt it was my duty to help him and couldn’t even think about him on the streets. Against everyone’s wished I opened my home to him only to find that while I was at work he had found someone on the street who knew where he could get drugs. Coming home to find him high and items missing from my house was the worst feeling I could have ever felt. As I sat to ponder I felt betrayed but still loved him and couldn’t let him leave my house. Since then my brother has been in and out of rehab centers only to return to the drugs. These situations caused him to overdose twice. When I got the call to come to the hospital my heart burst into a million pieces and so many things went through my mind. Seeing him laying in a hospital bed hooked up to wires, not awake, and knowing the events that had almost taken his life I began to fear his life would come to an end and he wouldn’t be this lucky again.
On June 14th, 2008 I had my wedding in our hometown in Indiana. My brother was going to be one of my brides maids. I teased him a lot and told him he would have to wear a dress like the girls but he was still excited to be a part of it after knowing he didn’t have to wear a dress. He even came over one Sunday with my mom and helped me put M&M’s into bags for the guests. Not knowing what was to come, Johnathon was court ordered to rehab the day before my wedding. Knowing that my brother wasn’t going to be at my wedding caused a feeling to go through my body that I can’t even describe. That day was the best day of my life but in the back of my head I kept thinking about how much I wanted him there to enjoy this day with me, and to see me walk down the aisle. Looking back at the family pictures from that day his face seizes to exist in them. I video tapped that day for him and when he went to watch it shut if off because it hurt him to see that he was not there.
As a sister and a friend who was so close to her brother you can’t imagine the pain and suffering that goes on knowing that your brother is in jail and that there is nothing that you can do about it. I started to blame god for what he was doing to my family and my brother. Were we such bad people that we were being punished? Questions like these ran through my head many times. After the arrest for his friends death in November our lives turned upside down once again because finally for the last two months before the arrest he was getting back to the brother I enjoyed to be around and loved spending every moment with. I then realized that God has a purpose for everyone, me, my brother, my family, and anyone who believes. All I can do now is pray. I had to find god again and be strong for my brother. I had to get him to believe in God again because God and Johnathon are the only ones who can make this change in his life.

Today our society has become filled with drugs, drug addicts, and drug overdoses. My brother’s story is just one of many. Remember that peer pressure is not east but you have to be strong and let God help you to say No!! Drugs will ruin your life just like it did to my brothers. It took away his childhood, his graduation from high school, his confirmation as you are all doing now, his family, his friends, and has made his life not worth living in his eyes. So I’m asking you today to remember my brother’s story when you are put into the situation he was put in the first day he decided to be part of the crowd who did drugs.